The Big White Farmhouse

intentional living, little by little

No.403: Our Extraordinary Ordinary Life // COVID-19 Lockdown Week 10

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE TENTH WEEK OF COVID-19 LOCKDOWN
Week ten: when I lost my way and fought to find it again.  
I just finished Know My Name by Chanel Miller and while I have thoughts on so many parts of that book, one section spoke to me in my own, completely different, time and space: 

In Fearrington, North Carolina, my grandparents had lived by a pond, where geese plodded around with those curved black necks, squeaky honking. My Grandpa Miller explained that during migration, birds flew in V formation. The bird at the front, the tip of the V, had the hardest job facing the greatest amount of wind resistance. The air coming off the leader’s flapping wings lifted the birds flying behind it. Being the leader was grueling, so the birds took turns. When a bird exhausted itself, it trailed to the back, where it wouldn’t have to flap as hard, riding waves of wind that have been broken down by others. It saved its energy so that it could lead again. This was the only way to make the journey, to escape winter and make it to warmer places. I had spent two weeks pumping my wings, keeping a calm face, to protect my flock from brutal conditions. But resilience required rest. (14%)

I’m your typical ISFJ: the caregiver, the eternal behind-the-scenes cheerleader and I’ve been on overdrive since the beginning of this lockdown.  I wanted to stay positive for my children, be a beacon of light among the fear and anxiety and chaos.  “But resilience required rest.”   I could tell something was wrong when I had not written a single letter all last week because I just didn’t have anything positive in me to say.  Some internal part of me was waving the white flag, needed someone else to do the caring and cheering for a little while.  So I rested.  Mark and I had long conversations where I unloaded each and every tab in my brain.  I prayed and cried and slept in late.  By Thursday, the fog lifted and I was ready to start again.          
I’m glad I took a picture of those California Poppies because Lucy later ran through the beds and completely ripped one of the plants out of the ground.  Deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths.

Sourdough experiment of the week: a spinach artichoke braid

Biggest highlight of the week: P finally decided to potty train!  He is so stubborn that all of our previous tries were met with a hard no.  But we were down to our last diaper on Monday and I declared, “Welp, we’re in this for better or worse!” and thankfully he cooperated.  After almost 14 years, we are a diaper-free house.  Wild.

Comments

  1. Sorry to hear you had a rough week–even with the most upbeat of attitudes, the current conditions are hard on everyone. So glad that it sounds like you have a great support system in place and were able to get some rest. Hope you enjoy your Memorial Day weekend!

    • We all have our breaking point, don't we? I held out as long as I could, but it felt cleansing to release all of those pent-up emotions. Thankfully, I'm going into this week with a much more positive outlook, praise God! How are YOU?

  3. You are not alone in reaching the end of your rope. It's been a long haul.
    I'm right there with you.

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