No.870: Last (Two) Weeks at the Farmhouse // Peace Be With You

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I renewed my blog for another year and then promptly ran out of things to say.

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Years ago, when I was still on social media, I remember an uprising of sorts where people were tired of seeing constant perfection.  That’s not reality, they cried!  So in response, accounts began showing “real life” – piles of dirty laundry, dishes in the sink, makeup-less faces, cluttered spaces…  And ironically, the internet was again unhappy with these “ugly” pictures.  If I wanted to see a pile of dirty dishes, I’ll look at my own, thankyouverymuch.  I’m on here to see the pretty pictures.  The internet is fickle.

It’s often the same way when people share hardship and trials.  In an attempt to be authentic (whatever that means), they share their life and the responses are typical.  For every supportive comment, there are a few passive-aggressive negative ones.  Suffering becomes a contest: I hear that that’s hard for you, but don’t you know there are starving children in Africa?  Your relative may be sick, but my relative is dead.  It’s a race to the bottom and the fickle internet strikes again.

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Last week, when everyone’s focus was on celebrating/lamenting the election, my attention was at home.  More difficult circumstances occurred and I sort-of unraveled.  2024 has been a hard year for a whole host of reasons, many that I’ve shared and many much too private to be displayed across the internet.  Because of that, I’m often a ball of contradictions.  I’m good and I’m definitely not good.  I’m happy but also sometimes so terribly sad.  I have a million things to be grateful for.  I have lost so much.

But how to share all of that?  There’s been radio silence because I needed extra time to decide how I wanted to proceed in this space.  I don’t know how to be anything other than myself, a ball of contradictions, a woman full of both joy and sorrow.  I’m not special in this regard; I think most people carry some level of heartbreak.  I also know you can only watch a dumpster fire for so long before you turn away.  Going forward, I hope to keep this space as a way to document my life’s mission: to seek out and fight for the good.  Please bear with me as I navigate how best to do that.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum.  May the Peace of the Lord be always with you.  And hopefully me too.

Hoping to document the abundance around me all year long!

Around here, abundance looks like…

+ returning to a cross-stitch project after more than a year away.  Feels good to do something productive with my hands.

+ a valiant attempt to keep our boar alive.  We put Millie (a one-year-old gilt) into the same paddock with Fred and it was going well…until it went horribly wrong.  Somehow, in the span of 24 hours, Millie completely changed behavior and really beat him up.  He had deep cuts on his eyelid/snout and he fractured one leg so significantly that he couldn’t put any weight on it.  I spent a week in intense anxiety, vacillating about the best, most humane way of dealing with the situation.  Do we give him the opportunity to heal or is it so bad that we should be preparing to put him down?  In the end, we called a vet for a second opinion and she agreed with what we already knew: it was probably best to cull him.  I know he’s only a pig, but Fred was the last of my original four, my gentle giant and buddy.  There were also a lot of my hopes, dreams and plans rolled up into his life that I had to let go.  We’re all pretty devastated.

+ focusing the Weather the Storm Challenge on ways to not spend money.  This feels like a losing battle as the bills keep coming, but we grit our teeth and persevere.  I also:

• purchased five items to put back for winter (pasta and sauce on sale)
• sold eggs to friends
• made english muffin bread and pita bread
• gave myself a hair trim
• cleaned/organized the refrigerator to see everything we have (even condiments/sauces) and made a plan to use them up
• unsubscribed from a bunch of marketing emails
• listed a few items on ebay/Poshmark/Pango
• used a gift card to order our annual Advent candle making kit (making it free!)

+ a positive update for the dining room floors.  Praise be to God, the contractor thinks he can match the color enough to just replace the ruined panels.  We still have to jump through hoops dealing with our home insurance but the end is hopefully in sight.

+ seven years of country living before we had a significant crash with a deer.  My son had a deer run into his car one night and we’re so grateful he is fine.  The damage looked mild but was actually more serious, so now we’re doing the dance with the body shop and our insurance to determine whether it’s salvageable or totaled.

+ selling twelve unneeded items for the Car Loan Payoff Plan: six pieces of clothing, a pajama set, a bathing suit, three books and a belt.  After shipping and fees, I made $78.42.  Even though my resale numbers haven’t been great lately, those little amounts (paired with any extra money we can take from paychecks) add up.  I started my tracker in July and four months later, we’ve paid off over 55% of the balance!  Less than $5k to go.

Reading //

• This Election Season, Don’t Let Politics Destroy Your Family from Jim Dalrymple II at Institute for Family Studies // “All of this is really just a long way of saying something simple: During this season of polarization, rifts within our families over politics are not inevitable. We can put family relationships above everything else. That doesn’t mean everyone has to agree all of the time. Indeed, the point is that we won’t always agree. But it does mean that people with divergent views on controversial issues—say, abortion or the war in Gaza—can still break bread together because the most important thing is their relationship with each other.”
• the book, Before the Change: Taking Charge of Your Perimenopause by Ann Louise Gittleman, PhD, CNS // I just finished the section on essential fatty acids and prostaglandins and will be incorporating Omega-3/EPA food sources/supplements into my diet immediately.  Some of the benefits include:
  • Fish oils containing EPA lower blood cholesterol and reduce the stickiness of blood platelets (lowering the risk of blood clots)
  • Prostaglandin E3 relaxes blood vessel walls, preventing arterial spasms and lowering blood pressure (may relieve migraine symptoms)
  • Skin, hair and nails benefit from GLA or EPA in combination with zinc and vitamin A (may see improvement in eczema, acne, psoriasis)
  • Omega fatty acids can help combat depression

New Additions to The List // 

• The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt by Edmund Morris (Book 1 of 3 in a series on TR)
• Ascent of Mount Carmel by St. John of the Cross
• St Nicholas Owen by Tony Reynolds
• All the Colors of the Dark by Chris Whitaker

Watching/Listening //

• How Sheep Can Help Save The Earth from Dylan Bures
• It’s Not Just Shein: Why Are ALL Your Clothes Worse Now? from More Perfect Union

Loving //

• this sweater from Quince // I got mine on ThredUp for $10, but the full price of $40 is still completely reasonable.  100% cotton and looks lovely on.  I’ve worn it multiple times.
• this short post called “Inside the Elderly There is Wonder” from Edwin Leap at Life and Limb:

If we could see all that our elderly have endured we would more easily understand why they are wrinkled and stooped, aching and slow. Life is a battle and they have survived long years of combat. It savaged their bodies. It challenged their minds. It broke their hearts.

But the memories, the skills, the knowledge, the love and wisdom inside those scarred and failing shells?

If we could see it all we would be blinded by such unimaginable light and deafened by the symphonies of their lives. And their untold stories would leave us wrecked, full of wonder, and hoping against hope that we could live so long and so well.