I lost myself a bit this winter, but I’m determined to bring her back.
It all started in January when I injured a muscle in my hip. Unable to run, I wallowed, comforting myself in winter hibernation. Cozy afternoons reading, curled up under blankets in front of the fire, became my new normal. At the same time, my fertility struggled to return and my hormones were in chaos. The scale, for lots of reasons, crept up and up and up.
And then…spring arrived. There’s nothing like temperatures in the 70’s, when the bulky sweaters are shed and you have to stare that unfamiliar body in the face. I looked in the full-length mirror at myself – looking tired and sorta flabby – and wondered, Where did I go? What happened to me?
It’s more than just the number on the scale. It’s the slow burn of aging, the way my body doesn’t work in the way I think it should. It’s the wear and tear of six consecutive pregnancies without a significant break between them. It’s the nagging feeling that while I’m happy with so many things in my life, there’s one little piece that doesn’t feel quite right.
In the quiet, the thought came to me like a whisper: What makes you feel alive? And without any hesitation, I knew the answer.
Running.
Running makes me feel alive.
So last week, I tied on my sneakers and got on the treadmill for the first time in three months. I started at barely a jog, feeling every step. I was clunky and slow. My running shorts were just a wee too snug. More than one part of me jiggled and my lower back ached. But it felt SO good. Afterward, big, ugly tears mingled with my shower water. I felt proud of myself. I felt strong. In a rare moment of self-love, I made a manifesto of sorts and am recording it here because I’m sure I’ll need the reminder.
Here’s to loving ourselves as we are, while having the courage to make positive changes too.
MY HEALTH MANIFESTO
I will prioritize my mental health. Sleep comes first and can cure much. A little time away can do wonders too. I am not a bad wife or mother for needing both.
I will stay in my lane. No comparing myself to others who may be further in their goals than I am. We don’t all have to take the same path to get to success.
“I will stay in my lane”. Love this!!! Such a great manifesto. I started running again recently too and I love it! Didn’t realize how much I’d missed it!
Yes! I get a little too caught up in watching ladies on IG qualify for Boston and then I start wondering what I'm doing wrong. I need to focus on my OWN data for a change.
These are brilliant! I hope you can give yourself as much grace as you'd give a friend. You deserve it!!!
Thank you for that reminder, friend! xo
I can so relate to this! My goal this whole winter and spring has been simply to move and it’s been good. I miss some days here and there but it’s gotten to be more routine and it’s been really good for me and helps me to keep my blinders on and to not compare.
I'm so happy to hear that your goal is working for you! My perfectionist tendencies get me a little too focused on "training plans" and once I miss a few workouts…welp, I give up, hah! Hopefully focusing more on movement in general will give me much more success.
Love this!