The Big White Farmhouse

Nothing like a year of complete upheaval to turn eyes back to God!

The question I asked this year was “Jesus, who are You?” I wanted to know who He really was, not who I thought He should be or even who others sometimes flippantly said He was. I’ve seen the danger in reducing Christ to only Someone who supports any behavior, good and bad. I’ve seen the danger in putting words in His mouth. So in 2020, I wanted to meet Him not only in His humanity, but also in His divinity. I wanted to dig into deep theology instead of staying in the shallow waters of much modern thought. I wanted to avoid making the Godman more like me and instead make me more like Him.  I wanted to know Him.

For twelve long months, I wrestled with hard truths and really understood why He says “the road that leads to life” is narrow. (Matthew 7:14) I won’t sugarcoat it – it was hard, difficult work – but I know I’m better for it. To be a Catholic Christian is to be held to a high standard and it’s not easy! You won’t be liked and are often misunderstood. You will be mocked and ridiculed and sometimes feel so, so alone. I’ve stumbled often this year, but in knowing Christ more deeply, I know this is where I need to be, regardless of how difficult. My faith is stronger and my heart is bigger. I’m convinced that if you take the first steps toward Him, God always meets you there.

Throughout the year, I worked my way through the Bible and the Catechism of Saint Pius X, both of which I still haven’t finished but have still learned so much. I also tried to prioritize some religious reading. If I can read upwards of 80+ books each year, surely there’s enough time to dig into faith, right? Here are seven of my favorites from 2020:

1 // Searching For and Maintaining Peace by Fr. Jacques Philippe

If there could be one important goal to strive for in these crazy times, it would be peace. Fear is a neutral emotion, but the resulting anxiety and despair definitely does not come from God. Fighting those tendencies and striving for peace of heart was hard work, but both my mental and spiritual health are better for it. I keep this simple quote on my bathroom mirror as a daily reminder: “Keep your soul at peace.”

2 // The Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska: Divine Mercy in My Soul

This huge book was very influential for my spiritual life this year. I related to some of Saint Faustina’s temperament, her hesitation to bring attention to herself while also desiring to give God nothing more than her best. The themes of suffering and trust were incredibly timely with the roller coaster ride of 2020.

3 // The Latin Mass Explained by Msgr. George Moorman

God works in mysterious ways. Throughout my adult life, I’ve never had any real interest in the TLM, but a curiosity and a yearning for more led us in that direction this year. (I could write an entire post on how every assumption I had was turned on its head!) This book was helpful when we were brand new and feeling completely out of our league. The sections on the Eucharist are especially beautiful.

4 // Forgiveness Makes You Free: A Dramatic Story of Healing and Reconciliation from the Heart of Rwanda by Fr. Ubald Rugirangoga

Fr. Ubald’s book was recommended to me when it seemed like the world was full of angry voices. I bought and read it right away and still cannot believe the amount of evil that occurred in Rwanda during those 100 days. The ability to forgive and heal from such atrocities is so deeply powerful and inspiring. I wish everyone would read this one.

5 // Eucharistic Miracles: And Eucharistic Phenomenon in the Lives of the Saints by Joan Carroll Cruz

I heard a sad statistic that almost 70% of Catholics do not believe that Christ is truly present in the Holy Eucharist. I can understand the temptation to take Church teaching for granted without really digesting what it means, so in my quest to truly know Jesus, I spent a lot of time pondering John 6 and the incredible privilege we get to receive at Mass. (Being unable to attend Mass during the spring lockdown really drove this home too!) I’ve had this book on my shelf for years and picked it up on a whim. Gotta love when you read something at just the time you need it! I see the Eucharist in a whole new way.

6 // Consecration to Saint Joseph: The Wonders of Our Spiritual Father by Fr. Donald Calloway, MIC

Saint Joseph doesn’t get a lot of air time, does he? He’s never quoted in Scripture and is out of the picture in just a few chapters. But he’s an important man, chosen to love and protect Christ in His humanity, and I wanted to know about this piece a little more. I enjoyed this newish book from Fr. Calloway and learned so much. My parish priest always describes Saint Joseph as having “silent strength” – what a goal to try to emulate in my own life.

7 // The Hours of the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ by Luisa Piccarreta

If you really want to learn about Christ, you have to meet Him on the Cross. This book follows Jesus during the last day of His life on Earth, hour by hour. Part story, part reflection and all so incredibly heartbreaking. I wept on more than one occasion.