The Big White Farmhouse

intentional living, little by little

No.414: 2020 Gratitude // 24 & 25

Welp, my goal of writing everyday this month is a complete wash, but I’m coming back with a clearer head and a calmer heart.  Two Sundays ago, I unexpectedly felt compelled to go on an Internet and social media fast.  I’ve already shared some of my mental health struggles throughout this lockdown and the protests/riots sort-of put me over the edge.  I could feel myself turning…numb, maybe?  So I turned it all off: no news articles, no opinion pieces, no following hashtags.  No watching the fighting and disagreeing and shaming.  No more noise.  I craved silence and the best way to have that happen was to shut it all down for awhile.  (I hated “giving up” so early in my annual June writing challenge, but truth be told, my heart wasn’t in it from the start this year.)  


During the past two weeks, I have done research on my own terms, prayed a lot, and wrestled with ideas and possible actions.  I puttered around my house, worked in my garden, and finished a few projects I’ve procrastinated on.  I finished three books and am almost done a fourth.  I cooked and cleaned and cuddled these little people in my care.  I needed this time away from the never-ending information of the Internet to actually think for myself again, you know?  Highly recommend, especially for those of us prone to anxiety and depression.  


a much needed break from the news and the Internet
easily fixing the tension issues with my sewing machine
green, green, green, everywhere I look
reading outside on the rocking chairs with J
clean, cold water from our well
ham sandwiches with bread that I made and lettuce from our garden
a long phone call with my mama
starting to differentiate between bird calls
jiu jitsu classes back in session for M
watching the little kids play in the sprinkler
coconut primer water that reminds me of being at the beach
Our Lady of Kibeho
how fast D has learned Blender (a free online animation/rendering software)
watching fireflies at dusk
sitting under the twinkling lights on the back porch after the kids go to bed
little brothers wearing big brother hand-me-downs
another student loan paid off!
a beautiful Mass for the Solemnity of Corpus Christi
waking up with the sunrise
laughter
a sale on ebay
getting to the bottom of the laundry pile, if only for a little while
homemade blueberry iced tea
the opportunity to snag a deep freezer while they’re back in stock
a new website that I found to buy used books
a good hair day
a jungle of wildflowers in the front flower beds
boxes of fabric given to me by my late grandmother
the sewing lessons she taught me (how I wish I had asked her to teach me more!)
when Lucy naps at my feet
watching a squirrel jump from tree to tree to tree
my six happy, healthy children
watching a movie on a rainy afternoon
an answered prayer

No.412: A Rosary Walk

I started the routine of a daily Rosary Walk a few months ago. I was in the middle of the 54-Day Novena and when the long days of lockdown were overwhelming my introverted senses, I would escape outside to walk “the loop” around our property.  It was a game changer!

I struggle with keeping focus in prayer.  The tabs in my head keep pinging and I’m constantly struggling to remember what I saying (“Sorry, where was I?”) or even what part of a prayer I am on.  (“Did I already say an Our Father?  I better say it again just in case.”) It often feels frustrating and defeating.
Praying outside is a completely different experience for me.  It almost seems counter intuitive, but when I’m physically walking and my senses are overloaded with sights and smells and noises….I’m able to pray in a much deeper way.  My head somehow clears itself of all the things and I’m left with only the task at hand.  This new routine has become so important to me that I go out in almost any weather now, from sunny days to afternoons of pouring rain.
When I’m overwhelmed, I walk.
When I need to sob away from my kids, I walk.
When I’m so angry, I could burst, I walk.
When I’m frustrated and feeling helpless, I walk.

Without fail, I come away from those 15-20 minutes more at peace and interiorly calm.  I rarely come home with some deeper insight and I still don’t have many of the answers I wish I knew.  I can only describe it as a deep feeling of knowing that God is faithful, He hears my prayers, and He works all things for good.

Today, I thought I’d take you with me on a recent walk and show you some of the beautiful things I saw:

No.411: 2020 Gratitude // 23

A new series for 2020: if I record 20 things every week, I’ll have over 1,000 items by December 31.  
That’s a lot to be grateful for.

wildflowers everywhere
the birth of a new baby cousin!
that my plants are growing like crazy
eating the very first blueberry from the bush 
silly home movies made by siblings 
a summer screen policy that has reignited imagination and creativity
an avocado seed thiiiis close to growing a new root system
another book that exposes me to a world outside my own
ice cream cones on a hot day
a time to listen and learn
quiet inspirations from the Holy Spirit
advice from a priest to reflect on James 1:19 – “…everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak…”
morning sunshine
watching TJ confidently ride on a bicycle (with training wheels)
extra-curricular activities that are starting to resume
a dog who never leaves my side
watching the kids learn to blow a bubble with bubblegum
a school table covered in markers and artwork
when everyone is doing their own thing and the house is quiet for a little bit
iced coffee in the afternoon

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