It seems fitting, with November on the horizon, to end this series with gratitude.  While I’m terribly inconsistent (why is that?!), I tend to be much more content in life when I take the time to count my blessings.


Don’t get me wrong.  Sometimes giving thanks is hard. 


In a pinch, I can quickly list off the easy ones: gorgeous sunsets, that first cup of coffee in the morning, the smiles of my children.  I’m thankful for the food in my fridge, checking off tasks on my to-do list, my husband’s laughter.  I praise God for the brilliant red leaves on our tree outside, a full night’s sleep, a homily that convicts me deeply.  But life isn’t all sunshine and roses, is it?  Life is hard.


When we discovered my son may have a learning disability, it was hard to give thanks.  
When my marriage was crumbling, it was hard to give thanks.
When I struggled with crushing anxiety and depression, it was hard to give thanks.
When people in my life let me down, when earnest prayers felt like they went unanswered, when I felt so alone, it was hard to give thanks.

But.


It’s in these moments, the moments that are so difficult and feel so impossible, that I must muscle my way toward gratitude.  Even when I can’t see the finish line, I trust that He does.


My son may have trouble reading, but dyslexia also means that he is a creative, out-of-the box thinker.     
My marriage almost ended a few years ago, but that trial by fire has reignited our love and commitment in a whole new way.
My postpartum hormones have brought me down dark and scary places, but have also forced me to learn about myself and how I work.
My disappointment and loneliness have brought me closer to Christ in a way I never have before.


Everything is a gift.

We Mamas are busy, giving and giving and giving.  We’re caring for children, keeping a house, on the go and here and there and everywhere.  That unconditional, self-pouring love is good.  But sometimes I can get so focused on my to-do list and daily tasks that I forget to spend a little time looking out.


Discontentment seems to rear its ugly head when I start to get caught up in “me”: my to-do list, my dreams, my future plans, etc.  But life is so much bigger than me!  We all want to be seen, we all want to feel like we’re not alone.  I want to do my part to let the people in my life know that I really see them.  I want them to know that I’m thankful for their support, their example, their love.  Truly, I am so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life and I want to share that love with others too.   

Mother Teresa said, “Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you.”  I‘m starting with them and then working my way out, one person at a time.

Here are a few ideas, in case you want to look out too: 
+ handwritten thank you notes
+ something to curb the nausea for a newly pregnant mama
+ cleaning supplies or a candle for a new homeowner
+ snack box for a college student’s late night munchies
+ care package for someone who’s mentioned on Facebook/blog post that they’re struggling
+ drawings or paintings for grandmothers or those in assisted living/nursing home
+ flowers delivered to a friend going through a hard time
+ a remembrance gift for someone who lost a child or had a miscarriage


Links to check out:
Sincerely Monday: a gratitude project
Thank You Thursdays: a blog series at Team Studer

Today’s subject is a hard one for me, so let’s be real and honest, okay?  


Food is a tricky thing for me.  I understand how good, nutritious food is beneficial to our bodies.  Eating lots of vegetables and less processed food, going gluten-free or even Paleo – they’re all good, good things.  I’ve seen the positive effects in myself as well as my family.


But.


We’re currently on a pretty tight budget and staying on track means letting go of some of those strict dietary rules.  With seven mouths to feed, there’s just not enough money to always buy the freshest/grass-fed/organic/best ingredients.  Honestly, it causes me a lot of stress and guilt.


Feeding myself and my family isn’t ending anytime soon and this obsession with optimal health can quickly turn into an idol.  It has in the past for me.  Maybe finding contentment with food means slowing down, eating realistic portions and just being thankful for what’s set before you.  Maybe finding contentment with food means eating the best with what you’ve got.


Yet another pep talk:
+ Let food be a positive part of life, not something to stress, obsess or worry about.
+ Find the method of meal planning that works best and stick with that.
+ There’s no shame in making a box of pasta for dinner sometimes (but try to add a vegetable for good measure too).    

Day 19.  Are you tired of hearing from me yet?  I’m a little tired of hearing from me.  


For the past three weeks, I have been wrestling with this idea of contentment on a pretty consistent basis.  I’ve tackled the idea of “being enough” and seen how our student loan debt unconsciously causes unhappiness.  I’ve taken a good look myself: the good, the bad and the ugly.  On Thursday, I started taking the first proactive steps by disconnecting from technology a bit.  Today, I’m looking at traditions.


Traditions, according to Webster, are “the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction.”  Traditions are those things that make your people, your people, you know what I mean?  They are what makes your family special; they are the events that stay the same even as you grow and change.  


I totally see how traditions can be helpful as I seek contentment with my life.  Looking forward to those special events will ultimately make me excited for what’s to come, not just for what I hope to come.  Instead of focusing all of my attention on the future outside my reach, I can simply enjoy those little pieces that we do every single year.  


Here are a few brainstorming ideas – some we already do and some I hope to incorporate more next year:
+ Celebrating the liturgical year
+ Trips to the farm to pick fruit: strawberry picking, apple picking, etc.
+ Friday family movie nights
+ Cookie decorating party or swap in December
+ An act of service that occurs around the same time every year
+ Sunday dinner


These are the things my children will remember.  These are the events that they’ll eventually introduce their spouse to, that they’ll mold and shape into their own with their own families someday.  What a beautiful thought.

Ironically, I’m a little late writing this post today because I’ve been unplugged.  Life has been busy this week; our schedule has been packed with school and dentist appointments and playdates and soccer.  With so much on the docket, I haven’t been able to be online much.  And surprisingly, it actually feels good.


Technology can be such a tricky thing.  


On one hand, I consider it a lifesaver.  I started my blog in 2011, when I was a young, lonely mother searching for friendships from like-minded women.  Through the years, the relationships I have created because of this space have been a God-send.  I also run a business online, a side job that gives me so much joy.  Big White Farmhouse was a passion I didn’t know I had and I am enjoying learning and growing in that brand new arena.


On the other hand, though, technology – and social media in general – can give the “illusion” of community without real effort into community.  It can expose the not-so-pretty parts of ourselves: jealousy, envy, comparison.  It can be addicting and without true intention, fruitless.  


I’m ready for a change.  


Here’s my pep talk to myself, as I navigate the balance with technology: 

+ It’s time to be intentional with my time on technology.  
+ Get on and get off.  There’s no need for mindless scrolling or falling into every Google rabbit hole.  The Internet will be there tomorrow.
+ Don’t look at life through an “Instagram-worthy” lens.  Life is messy and hard, but it’s still good, even if it can’t be perfectly photographed.
+ It’s time to be brave and meet new people (maybe even a blog reader!), look them in the eyes and give them your full attention.  

I just sat down to write this post, looked at the title and audibly sighed.  “Be happy with me.”  Easier said than done.


On one hand, I feel like I know myself better than ever.  Now in my 30’s, I’ve pushed my body in amazing new ways and I’ve discovered things about my personality that I’ve never really taken the time to address.  I’m confident in my own skin and that feels good.


And yet.


The truth is, I hold myself to a very high, often unrealistic standard.  I’d be the first person to tell you that you are perfect just the way you are…but I’d never tell myself that.  


I struggle with the fact that I haven’t lost the pregnancy weight in the timeframe I did with my previous children.  I struggle with the fact that I can’t seem to maintain a consistent cleaning routine.  I struggle with the fact that I’m not as well read as I’d like to be, look as put together as I’d like to be, be the business owner I’d like to be.  


Maybe it’s time to give myself the same grace I would give anyone else.  If God loves me just the way I am, if He made me in His image and I am truly fearfully and wonderfully made, why can’t I see that about myself?  In other words, who I am to call God’s bluff?

I’m a work in progress.  I’m so glad that He is patient with me.  

I just sat down to write this post, looked at the title and audibly sighed.  “Be happy with me.”  Easier said than done.


On one hand, I feel like I know myself better than ever.  Now in my 30’s, I’ve pushed my body in amazing new ways and I’ve discovered things about my personality that I’ve never really taken the time to address.  I’m confident in my own skin and that feels good.


And yet.


The truth is, I hold myself to a very high, often unrealistic standard.  I’d be the first person to tell you that you are perfect just the way you are…but I’d never tell myself that.  


I struggle with the fact that I haven’t lost the pregnancy weight in the timeframe I did with my previous children.  I struggle with the fact that I can’t seem to maintain a consistent cleaning routine.  I struggle with the fact that I’m not as well read as I’d like to be, look as put together as I’d like to be, be the business owner I’d like to be.  


Maybe it’s time to give myself the same grace I would give anyone else.  If God loves me just the way I am, if He made me in His image and I am truly fearfully and wonderfully made, why can’t I see that about myself?  In other words, who I am to call God’s bluff?

I’m a work in progress.  I’m so glad that He is patient with me.  

If you were to peek at our budget, I’m sure it’s similar to most one-income families.  We can pay our bills and have plenty of food in the fridge, but there’s not a lot of “extra” cash just floating around.  We still have student loans (uhh, the bane of my existence) and are working hard to be debt-free, Dave Ramsey style.  

At first glance, I don’t feel like money (or the lack thereof) plays a role in my contentment.  I am a chronic underbuyer and I very rarely covet the latest and greatest.  I’ll window shop all day long, but actually pulling out the debit card?  I’ve abandoned many an online cart.  


Looking at the bigger picture though, I can see how our debt is causing a subconscious unhappiness.  An underlying feeling of discontent, a weight that feels heavy and overwhelming.  


So how do I find contentment, right here as we continue to pay our monthly bill to SallieMae?  I don’t think this means that I should necessarily be happy to be in debt, but maybe there’s a balance?  Maybe I can find peace and motivation in the process, hoping for the future but not stressing or constantly thinking about that “one day”.  Debt-free AND feeling more content?  Sounds like a pretty great combination to me.


Just like with Step One, here’s my pep talk to myself for Step Two:


You are not a failure for having debt, but that doesn’t mean you can’t change things for the better.  
Work hard to get rid of the student loans, but don’t let the process consume you.
Determine and take the first steps needed to live below our means.  
Save more than you spend!  We don’t need to keep up with the Joneses.

If you were to peek at our budget, I’m sure it’s similar to most one-income families.  We can pay our bills and have plenty of food in the fridge, but there’s not a lot of “extra” cash just floating around.  We still have student loans (uhh, the bane of my existence) and are working hard to be debt-free, Dave Ramsey style.  

At first glance, I don’t feel like money (or the lack thereof) plays a role in my contentment.  I am a chronic underbuyer and I very rarely covet the latest and greatest.  I’ll window shop all day long, but actually pulling out the debit card?  I’ve abandoned many an online cart.  


Looking at the bigger picture though, I can see how our debt is causing a subconscious unhappiness.  An underlying feeling of discontent, a weight that feels heavy and overwhelming.  


So how do I find contentment, right here as we continue to pay our monthly bill to SallieMae?  I don’t think this means that I should necessarily be happy to be in debt, but maybe there’s a balance?  Maybe I can find peace and motivation in the process, hoping for the future but not stressing or constantly thinking about that “one day”.  Debt-free AND feeling more content?  Sounds like a pretty great combination to me.


Just like with Step One, here’s my pep talk to myself for Step Two:


You are not a failure for having debt, but that doesn’t mean you can’t change things for the better.  
Work hard to get rid of the student loans, but don’t let the process consume you.
Determine and take the first steps needed to live below our means.  
Save more than you spend!  We don’t need to keep up with the Joneses.

Even though the video is actually an ad, I thought it was really thought-provoking.  It makes me wonder: when I’m old and gray and looking back, what will I think of my life?  Will I have regrets?  Will I think my life was enough?


As I’m sure this blog shows, I’m a go-getter.  I’m a doer.  I work best with a full plate, fueled by the challenge to juggle all the balls.  I tend to reach a comfortable cruising level and suddenly decide to take it up a notch. 


And yet.


Unfortunately, what gets me fired up may also be a big source of my discontentment.  Every month, I set goals and make lists, causing me to strive for what’s next, what is just beyond my reach.  Sometimes I get so caught up in the doing, I totally miss the bigger picture.  


So here is my pep talk to myself, as I find the balance between striving for a full life and being satisfied with my life just as it is:  


I am enough.  
In God’s eyes, I am enough.
My crazy, messy, roller-coaster of ups and downs life is enough.
Maybe here right now is enough too.  I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, and a place to sleep.  My kids are happy and healthy and my marriage is good.  These things alone are such a blessing and a privilege.    


Time to spend more time being and a little less time doing.

A few great links to check out:
+ Mamas, need a big picture reminder? This recent post from Ashley Ann was a good one: A Good Gut Punch
+ I recently watched a documentary called Living on One Dollar.  Another good one for putting things in perspective.
+ A great way to help others is through the micro loan program, Kiva loans.  I’ve used them for years and highly recommend it.  Even $25 can do so much.