“…it is a challenge for us to incorporate rhythm into our daily lives.  To do so, we must commit ourselves to order and routine; to a slower, more deliberate pace; to intention rather than to happenstance.  In other words, we must develop a sense of ritual.” — page 139

With everything moving so quickly in our lives lately, I can definitely see the ramifications in the actions of my children.  For the past few weeks, there has been a lot of brotherly bickering, lots of begging for “One more TV show, Mamma, pleeease?!”….and this Mamma is tired.  My kids need a routine.  They thrive, both in behavior and attitude, when there is a plan to our day and they know what is coming next.  The first day of our school year is on Monday and I just know this will be a positive change in my home.  Finally, some rhythm!

“Among the social institutions that may not survive into the twenty-first century, the family meal must certainly be near the top of the list.  Our schedules pull us away from the table and each other, and fast foods invite us to eat on the run, stopping just long enough to fuel up between one activity and the next.  And, as any mother who has raced home to cook dinner for her family knows all too well, we often put out far more than we get back.  Is it worth all the effort it requires to shop, make a meal, and get it on the table, only to be met by children’s upturned noses, adolescents’ complaints, and somebody shouting that they don’t have time to eat as they head out the door?  Is this ritual really worth preserving after all?” –page 123

Tell me I’m not the only one who’s felt that way!  This actually just happened to me recently.  After battling my children over breakfast and lunch, I picked a dinner I knew  would surely be a winner.  I mean, they’d devoured it before, so it had to work, right?  Um, wrong.  Two upturned noses and even my little guy only ate a few bites.  At that moment, I thought: “Is this really worth all the effort?”  In my heart, I know it is, so I continue to plow on through, even on the rough nights.  

“…our sons and daughters learn the hearth’s powerful lessons right here, in their own homes, at their own tables.  When we honor our human need for nourishment, both physical and spiritual, we teach our children respect for their bodies and for themselves.  When we practice mindfulness ourselves, our children become more mindful.” –page 134-135

Need some encouragement or inspiration for family dinner?  Check out these links:

• Book: The Surprising Power of Family Meals: How Eating Together Makes Us Smarter, Stronger, Healthier and Happier

• The Importance of the Family Dinner (and a recipe for Chicken and Noodles!)
• Book: The Hour that Matters Most: The Surprising Power of the Family Meal
• A fun (and free!) printable activity to keep everyone talking at the table: Family Dinner Questions
• Book: The Family Dinner: Great Ways to Connect with Your Kids, One Meal at a Time

“We parents…have an important role to play.  We can take our children with us and head out the door.  We can go along as they clamber over rocks, splash through streams, dig in the dirt.  We can hunt for hermit crabs, follow caterpillars, count stars.  We can take them out of doors and turn them loose, and allow them to find sanctuary in their own special places.  We can muse and wonder with them, gather stones and shells and seed pods, celebrate the seasons, and embrace all kinds of weather.
And here is the wonderful secret: Our children offer us an opportunity to rediscover the marvels of nature for ourselves.  You don’t need any special knowledge, any equipment, or even much of a plan.  You don’t need to identify a single bird or flower or constellation.  All you need is a willingness to go, to look, and to drink in the mystery and beauty of the world before your eyes.”  -page 114-115

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not exactly an outdoorsy girl.  But I want to be, both for myself and for my kids.  Since I’m pretty clueless in the nature exploration department, I searched the web and found a few books and blogs to help me get started.  I figure the boys can help teach me the rest 🙂


Blogs:

• Go Explore Nature
• Nature for Kids

Books:

• Fun With Nature: Take Along Guide
• The Kids’ Nature Book: 365 Indoor/Outdoor Activities and Experiences
• Nature’s Art Box: From t-shirts to twig baskets, 65 cool projects for crafty kids to make with natural materials you can find anywhere
  
• Look What I Did with a Leaf!

“In order to listen, we must first be quiet.” -page 104

Honestly, my first reaction when I read that sentence was “Quiet?!  What is that?”  This house is far from quiet most days.  There’s pretending and sword-fighting, loud conversations and bickering.  Someone always has a story to tell or lunch orders to demand.  Needless to say, the moments of silence are few and far between. 

“But within each child there is also an innate talent for listening that deserves to be honored and encouraged.” -page 105

One trick I’ve discovered lately is super simple: open the windows.  We’ve had some amazing weather lately, so I’ve taken the opportunity to air out the house and shut off the A/C.  But what I didn’t realize is how open windows would affect my children!

All of us, even little J, have stopped in our tracks to listen to the sounds outside.  Birds chirping, a dog barking, the garbage truck rumbling past our house…each sound interesting and new.  It’s been fun to watch the wonder in my boys’ faces as they process what they hear.  What tricks do you use with your kiddos to encourage listening?

I don’t have many additional things to say about these two short chapters, but wanted to include a couple of passages because I thought they were great food for thought.

Breathing: “Over the years I have tried all sorts of solutions to the inevitable sibling battles, including forced separations, time-outs, hugs and kisses, and, at times, shouting at the top of my lungs.  Breathing together works best.  Now, before I will listen to either side of the story, before the argument escalates further, before I take any action at all to settle a dispute, we breathe together.  I kneel down and take one child in each arm.  We look into one another’s faces, we breathe long and slow and deep, we count to ten or twenty.  In the process, we always seem to find in our hearts a scrap of forbearance, a shred of forgiveness–and that is the beginning of the road back to harmony.” -page 97

Healing: “…sometimes our children are really asking for more from us than a perfunctory response, and that is when we must minister not only to the skinned knee, but to an inner need as well.  It does no good to advise a weeping child that the pain will go away on its own.  We are mothers, after all, and it is our job to do something.  And so I created the ‘hurt basket,’ a treasure chest of magical lotions, potions and healing aids.  The wicker basket, stored high on a bathroom shelf, invokes a ritual–it means that time will be taken to ease a pain, that I care, that I will do my best to bring comfort.  The contents of the basket change with the season: soothing throat lozenges in winter, an ‘itch eraser’ for summer’s mosquito bites.  But in general we are not without peppermint foot lotion, arnica gel, witch hazel, calamine lotion…and last, but not least, a truly impressive array of Band-Aids…To an adult, a Band-Aid may be nothing but a sticky plastic strip; but to a child it is a badge of honor, imbued with magical healing properties.  Be grateful and stock up.” –page 101 (emphasis mine)

You can find the rest of my thoughts on Mitten Strings chapters here.
—————————————-

Surrender.  I think as mothers, we first learn this in labor.  Maybe you’ve written out a clearly defined birth plan: soft music in the background, possibly an epidural (which of course you’ll decide if and when you want it), and immediate nursing after birth.  You are steadfast in your choices.  But then labor comes, quick and in a hurry.  Maybe it’s so fast and furious, there’s just no time for that calming music, no time for the epidural.  Maybe the baby’s heartbeat decreases at an alarming rate and before you know it, you’re up in the OR in the middle of an emergency C-section.  
It’s at that moment that you learn surrender.  You learn that the health of that baby is so much more important than any plan you could create.  You learn what it means to let go and let God.

“Sometimes our children’s needs do not coincide neatly with our own beliefs.  And therein lies a challenge.  Do I try to control every aspect of our family environment, or do I allow others to help shape it too?  Do I always enforce the rules, or do I sometimes step aside and trust my children to find their own way?  Surrendering is always an act of faith, and letting go is never easy.” – page 88

How are you learning surrender in your vocation as a mother? 
  

Last summer, I was reading Mitten Strings for God and recording my thoughts here on the blog, chapter by chapter.  Somehow I misplaced the book and that series fell to the wayside.  Funny what a little spring cleaning will do…I found the book again and decided to start back up!  You can find my previous entries here.
———————————-

“Mothers can get so caught up in the caretaking that we may overlook each child’s need to be seen as an individual, with unique tastes and temperaments and gifts.  But mothering is not just a simple matter of meeting our children’s physical needs.  We must also strive to meet them at a deeper level, recognizing in each one a special character and fate.  It is up to us, as mothers, to see these soul qualities and to honor and protect them.  Alone with our children, one on one, we have a chance to see and hear and accept them as they really are, right now, in this moment.  We see them not in relation to their siblings, friends, or peers, or as a piece of the large family puzzle – but as unique individuals, each with a particular destiny to fulfill on this earth.  Such recognition is a basic human need.” – page 81-82

Food for thought, right?  I definitely am guilty of seeing my children as a collective sometimes: get the boys lunch, put on a movie for the boys, time for the boys’ baths, etc.  But with a new baby coming, this chapter couldn’t come at a more perfect time.  More children equals a stretched Mamma.  And while I can’t promise that I’ll have it all together (in fact I can guarantee it’ll be quite the opposite!), I do want to start brainstorming ideas to give M, D and J each a little quality time.  

A few ideas so far:

• Leave the baby with Daddy and take J grocery shopping with a special stop at the bakery.
• Declare to the house that it is “M and Mamma” hour and shut the door.  Practice reading (him to me or me with a read-aloud).
• Take D outside to play soccer in the yard, one on one complete with smack talk (his favorite!).
• Surprise M and D with a trip to the movie theater.
• Find an easy recipe and let J help.

What do you do in your home for one-on-one time with the kiddos?

“My children wanted stories…real stories, stories they could taste and feel and see, stories that would challenge their imaginations, scare them silly, make them laugh, and yet resassure them of the rightness and order of all creation.” – page 69

I’m not a very good story teller.  I can’t seem to think on the fly, my plots are lame, and the witty punch lines are often lost of my preschool crowd.  But the crazy thing is, my boys still love it.

My latest (and most popular) “series” started after telling some great childhood stories of the tricks and good natured teasing between my siblings.  The boys couldn’t get enough.  So the “I’ll get you next time!” series was born.  Here’s the gist of one:

Once upon a time, there were two brothers.  The older brother wanted to play a game with the little brother, so he went to look for him.  He searched high and low, but couldn’t find him anywhere!  “Brother!  Brother!” he called, but there was no answer.  Tired from all his walking, he sat on his bed to rest.  Just then, his little brother JUMPED out of the closet and yelled, “SURPRISE!”  He scared his big brother silly!  The big brother wagged his finger and said….”I’ll get you next time!”

Super simple, but the boys love them.  And ask for more.  And more and more and more (you know how little ones are). 

In the end, the best part of story time is that I can actually see the bonds between my boys strengthening.  In the stories, they may tease each other and get in crazy predicaments, but they are a team.  Best friends.  Buddies who love and would do anything for each other. 

All because of a story told by their silly ol’ Mamma. 

“…many of us are just as confused as our children.  We fail to distinguish real needs from wants, and we focus on what we don’t have rather than on the abundant gifts that are already ours.  When we are consumers, we teach our childrenthat it is good to consume.  When we try to resolve conflicts or to buy happiness by spending money, we teach our children to look outside themselves when they feel needy…On the other hand, when we pause long enough to give thanks for the abundance of daily life, when we feel good about what we have right now, we teach our children a valuable lesson: We help them accept that they can’t have everything they want, and we reassure them they they do have everything they need.” 
– Katrina Kennison, pages 65-66

In the land of instant gratification, I think this topic is one that I have to revisit often.  When I see a new product on a blog or pin beautiful homes on Pinterest, it is easy to focus on what I don’t have.  Instead, I have to make sure I focus on gratitude…in the grand scheme of things, I do have everything I need. 

What are your thoughts on wants vs. needs?

No real words this week.  I just loved this chapter and the ideas it created for me.  I find myself looking at my house in a whole new light now: where can I create a special, secret and magical place for my boys?   

Enjoy some inspiration pictures I found on Pinterest:

For the rest of my thoughts on this book, you can find them here.
———————————
Play. 

Oh my, did I love this chapter.  Memories of my own carefree childhood came quickly to mind as I read through these pages.  Summertime adventures with my brother and the neighborhood kids.  A special fort made in our swingset.  Riding bikes down the street.  My favorite line: “A day without a schedule is a day of possibilities.” (page 57)

I hope my own children can experience many of the same memories I did growing up.  Lots of games, lots of their imagination come to life.  I want them to look back fondly at their childhood, full of rich experiences. 

Food for thought from this chapter (and one I want to remember as they get older):