The Big White Farmhouse

intentional living, little by little

No.468: Thoughts on 2020 & My One Little Word for 2021

2020 has been a year for the books!  It definitely has had its share of struggle and hardship, but surprisingly, it’s also had its fair share of good.  We finally paid off all of our consumer debt, we strengthened our relationships as a family, and we dreamed big dreams for the future of our property.  Our big boys started working and met new friends.  Our “baby” finally potty-trained.  My faith deepened in a way I never expected.  Were there hard days and stressful nights and anxious bits in between?  Sure.  But the good outweighed the bad and for that, I am so, so thankful.  

My one little word, Gratitude, kept me afloat throughout this crazy year.  I started 2020 writing those little things down each week on the blog, but stopped somewhere in the middle because they seemed a little too personal, a little too raw for public consumption.  Instead, I kept those things handwritten and close to the chest, allowing myself the freedom to ponder the goodness around me without sharing with the world.  Both ways are good.  Both ways helped me see.

2020 held a lot of darkness.  In some ways, we saw some of the worst of humanity with deeply hateful speech and actions.  People in positions of leadership let us down, both in society and in the Church.  More than ever, we need to seek the light.  Obviously the light is Christ Himself, but I know I have a role to play here too.  A few ways I’ve been brainstorming to do this:
  • do the hard internal work to make myself a better example of Christ
  • continue to learn more about Him through the Sacraments, the Bible, prayer and religious reading
  • notice the lights in my life and be grateful for them 
  • actively work to be what I’d like to see more of in the world: kind, generous, a listener, life-giving in word and deed (I hope to use this little blog for those means too)

Every week at Mass, we read the last Gospel (the beginning of the Gospel of John) and it’s never been more appropriate: In princípio erat Verbum, et Verbum erat apud Deum, et Deus erat Verbum. Hoc erat in princípio apud Deum. Omnia per ipsum facta sunt: et sine ipso factum est nihil, quod factum est: in ipso vita erat, et viat erat lux hóminum: et lux in ténebris lucet, et ténebræ eam non comprehendérunt. 

“And the Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” May we believe it to be so and may I actively try to do my part.

PREVIOUS ONE LITTLE WORD CHOICES

2013: Intention  //  2014: Brave  //  2015: Thrive  //  2016: Learn  //  2017: Slow  //  2018: Roots  //  2019: Notice  //  2020: Gratitude

No.436: 2020 Gratitude // 33

This week’s gratitude comes from part of a newsletter I received from Naomi Bulger.  While this is her take on home comforts, I was really inspired by her choices and hope to intentionally notice and create more of this in my own home.  I think it will be especially important going into the fall and winter.  Here are her words:
“Home comforts” is a funny term these days, isn’t it. On the one hand, it feels like a warm hug. When you mention “home comforts” to me, I think of the kettle singing on the stovetop. Of the small stack of books on my bedside table with the corners turned down half way through. Or sitting under a colourful woolen rug, stroking our pet rabbit’s ears and watching Netflix while editing photographs on my ‘phone. There is a corner of our old sofa that is my corner of our old sofa, with a sag in the cushion that is just the right shape for my bottom.

Home comforts are the things we return to after long journeys: everything is where it should be in the kitchen (no hunting around a million cupboards looking for a cereal bowl), the right brand of cheese is in the ‘fridge, and the herbs on the window sill are the ones you chose, because they are the ones you like best to eat. It’s your favourite pillow and freshly laundered sheets on the bed, or spending an entire day cooking up a feast, for no reason other than that you want to. 

Home comforts are safe, familiar and, well, they deliver on the promise of the tin. Home comforts are comfortable. 
P.S. Naomi’s newsletter is one of my favorites and is always full of inspiring and helpful content.

No.433: 2020 Gratitude // 31 & 32

zinnias exploding with all different colors
hearing my farmer neighbors hard at work when I go to my garden in the morning
the peacefulness of a child asleep
picking seeds for fall planting
finally getting the Goodwill boxes out of the house!
a new spot in my bedroom to read
a few sales on ebay
the kids’ excitement when they were able to hug their grandparents after five months(!!)
evening rain showers
that our power returned after three hours and we didn’t lose all the groceries we had just purchased that day
strawberry crumble cake
homesteading videos on Youtube
creating a delicious meal from leftover ingredients
tile purchased for Sophie’s bathroom
the privilege to homeschool my children
Lucy’s silly antics
belly laughs

No.427: 2020 Gratitude // 30

the sunflowers have opened!
a renewed motivation to get things done
that my son can make us homemade tortillas all by himself
the shade from our big tulip trees in the backyard
my new chapel veil
tasting cucumbers and cherry tomatoes that I grew – delicious!
air conditioning on super hot days
rain (finally!) after weeks of drought
that we only lost power for a few minutes vs. much longer
Our Lady of Sorrows
a great week of sales on ebay
surprise books in the mail (thanks, Dad!)
planning bedroom and bathroom updates with my daughter
cranberry lime sparkling water
pink sunrises
my six healthy children

No.423: 2020 Gratitude // 28 & 29

that I got a handle on the beetles eating my zinnias and the caterpillars in my tomatoes
my boys and their funny antics
how my daughter watches and imitates me…how humbling
air conditioning on relentlessly hot days
starting the decluttering process again
a few small sales on ebay
watching my scrap quilt grow and grow
podcasts in a wide variety of topics
dreaming about the future with my husband
how an afternoon bath can soothe a whiny preschooler
painting my daughter’s fingernails in “Ballet Slipper,” the palest pink
that I took the time to reorganize/declutter my closet
a morning walk with Mark and the dog
big bowls of salty popcorn
the smell of a freshly mowed lawn
shelling dry beans on the back deck
laughing until we cried at how our “crop” of beans will probably only feed us for two meals
watching the kids play in their new plastic pool
a much needed afternoon with my mom and my sister
a book that makes me cry
when a child giggles in his sleep
how hard Mark works for our family
simple, ordinary days at home
debt freedom

No.420: 2020 Gratitude // 27

eating food that we actually grew from our garden!
the birds that sit on the garden gate
the way the sun shines through the trees in the afternoon
moving artwork/home decor around the house to try something new
that I didn’t break anything when I fell down half a flight of stairs (me and stairs…oy)
holy priests
a sale on ebay
watching P play pretend with his “guys”
a big answer to prayer
another step closer to debt freedom
that my oldest son wanted to show off and share my chocolate chip cookies at work
more little pieces added to my quilt
a turkey mama with her babies trailing behind her
ceiling fans on hot days
my parents (I miss them terribly!)

No.418: 2020 Gratitude // 26

A new series for 2020: if I record 20 things every week, I’ll have over 1,000 items by December 31.  
That’s a lot to be grateful for.

how one tiny seed grew into a huge summer squash plant
picking the last of lettuce (for now!)
a new quilting project that is keeping my fingers busy
foggy mornings
delicate spider webs on the garden gate
super soaker battles in the hot sun
having Mark working from home all these months – I couldn’t survive this pandemic without him!
that TJ’s finger was only jammed and not broken
the scent of tomato plants on my fingers
the amazing way cucumbers climb up the trellis
puffy white clouds in a baby blue sky – “It looks like a painting, mama!”
wildflowers in pinks and blues and yellows
Lego creations built for little brothers
how D can make homemade pizzas for the entire family, all on his own
 the Seven Sorrows rosary prayer
new friendships for M
iced coffee in the afternoon
clearing out some unneeded school books for others who need them
big block towers created by proud siblings
a few new-to-us books in the mailbox

No.414: 2020 Gratitude // 24 & 25

Welp, my goal of writing everyday this month is a complete wash, but I’m coming back with a clearer head and a calmer heart.  Two Sundays ago, I unexpectedly felt compelled to go on an Internet and social media fast.  I’ve already shared some of my mental health struggles throughout this lockdown and the protests/riots sort-of put me over the edge.  I could feel myself turning…numb, maybe?  So I turned it all off: no news articles, no opinion pieces, no following hashtags.  No watching the fighting and disagreeing and shaming.  No more noise.  I craved silence and the best way to have that happen was to shut it all down for awhile.  (I hated “giving up” so early in my annual June writing challenge, but truth be told, my heart wasn’t in it from the start this year.)  


During the past two weeks, I have done research on my own terms, prayed a lot, and wrestled with ideas and possible actions.  I puttered around my house, worked in my garden, and finished a few projects I’ve procrastinated on.  I finished three books and am almost done a fourth.  I cooked and cleaned and cuddled these little people in my care.  I needed this time away from the never-ending information of the Internet to actually think for myself again, you know?  Highly recommend, especially for those of us prone to anxiety and depression.  


a much needed break from the news and the Internet
easily fixing the tension issues with my sewing machine
green, green, green, everywhere I look
reading outside on the rocking chairs with J
clean, cold water from our well
ham sandwiches with bread that I made and lettuce from our garden
a long phone call with my mama
starting to differentiate between bird calls
jiu jitsu classes back in session for M
watching the little kids play in the sprinkler
coconut primer water that reminds me of being at the beach
Our Lady of Kibeho
how fast D has learned Blender (a free online animation/rendering software)
watching fireflies at dusk
sitting under the twinkling lights on the back porch after the kids go to bed
little brothers wearing big brother hand-me-downs
another student loan paid off!
a beautiful Mass for the Solemnity of Corpus Christi
waking up with the sunrise
laughter
a sale on ebay
getting to the bottom of the laundry pile, if only for a little while
homemade blueberry iced tea
the opportunity to snag a deep freezer while they’re back in stock
a new website that I found to buy used books
a good hair day
a jungle of wildflowers in the front flower beds
boxes of fabric given to me by my late grandmother
the sewing lessons she taught me (how I wish I had asked her to teach me more!)
when Lucy naps at my feet
watching a squirrel jump from tree to tree to tree
my six happy, healthy children
watching a movie on a rainy afternoon
an answered prayer

No.411: 2020 Gratitude // 23

A new series for 2020: if I record 20 things every week, I’ll have over 1,000 items by December 31.  
That’s a lot to be grateful for.

wildflowers everywhere
the birth of a new baby cousin!
that my plants are growing like crazy
eating the very first blueberry from the bush 
silly home movies made by siblings 
a summer screen policy that has reignited imagination and creativity
an avocado seed thiiiis close to growing a new root system
another book that exposes me to a world outside my own
ice cream cones on a hot day
a time to listen and learn
quiet inspirations from the Holy Spirit
advice from a priest to reflect on James 1:19 – “…everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak…”
morning sunshine
watching TJ confidently ride on a bicycle (with training wheels)
extra-curricular activities that are starting to resume
a dog who never leaves my side
watching the kids learn to blow a bubble with bubblegum
a school table covered in markers and artwork
when everyone is doing their own thing and the house is quiet for a little bit
iced coffee in the afternoon

No.409: The Wednesday Five #12

Looking back at May with my five today:

A QUOTE

Love and sacrifice are closely linked, like the sun and the light. We cannot love without suffering and we cannot suffer without love. – Saint Gianna Molla

MAY HIGHLIGHTS 

+ We completed our required standardized testing for the state and school is officially out for summer!
+ Mark and the boys finished garden fence construction just in time for Mother’s Day.  It was so overwhelming to see my little plan come to life that I cried and they all made fun of me, ha!
+ I planted almost everything I needed to, but had to get creative due to the lockdown.  I ordered all of my tomato and pepper seedlings in the mail and was pleasantly surprised by how healthy most of them looked when they arrived. 
+ I hit a wall with my mental health and had a hard couple of weeks, but am fighting my way back.  

FAVORITE RECIPES FROM LAST MONTH

  • Blueberry Peach Cobbler.  I made a double batch of our favorite summertime dessert and it was still gone in minutes.
  • Skillet Rice and Beans with Kielbasa.  I like this recipe because it uses cheap staple ingredients, is fast to make and it’s delicious.    
  • My New Oatmeal Concoction.  I got a little crazy and tried something new: I warm up cinnamon and spice oatmeal, then swirl in a big spoonful of pumpkin puree and sprinkle a handful of raisins and nuts on top.  It tastes like fall in a bowl and really keeps me full.  I’ve eaten it every morning since.

2020 GOALS UPDATE

  • ✔ I want to spend time with God everyday.  I unintentionally took a break from my Bible plan but started again at the end of the month.  As of May 31, I was on day 281/365.  I’m also still reading Saint Faustina’s Diary – almost done!  
    • ✔ I want to keep on, keepin’ on with our debt freedom journey.  These times are so uncertain that we’ve been doing a little bit of everything with any extra money including adding to our savings and starting to replenish supplies in our emergency closet.  We did make a small extra payment on a student loan – every little bit helps.  We’re getting closer!
    • ✔ I want to hand write 52 pieces of mail. My first 2020 goal completely done!  Mother’s Day thankfully helped me boost the numbers because I hit a wall after that.  I sent out 11 pieces.  (Here is the post.)  Current total = 56
    • ✔ I want to write 150 blog posts.  I posted 15 times, which seems decent.  Current total = 80 
    • ✔ I want to read 52 books.  I read 7 books. (Here is the post.)  Current total = 39
    • ✘ I want to take the first steps for postpartum doula certification.  Put on hold for now.
    • ✔ I want to create a family culture of generosity.  We’re keepin’ on with our 20/20 Giving but are anxious to give more of our time and talent as things start to re-open again:
      • May’s $20 Donation // We donated again to our local food bank.
      • May’s 20 Minutes of Time and Talent // Mark is keeping his men’s group alive with texts and virtual meetings

      MAY 2020 IN NUMBERS

      + Loads of Laundry: 41
      + Loaves of Bread Made: 30
      + Total Hours Spent Outside: 35
      + Money Spent on Groceries: a gazillion dollars (but seriously, so much money)

      No.406: 2020 Gratitude // 22

      A new series for 2020: if I record 20 things every week, I’ll have over 1,000 items by December 31.  
      That’s a lot to be grateful for.

      my grandfather, who died serving this beautiful country
      Lego creations everywhere
      when the sun peeks out from the clouds
      getting a head start on school planning for next fall
      all the new-to-us books that have been arriving in the mail all week
      listening to little kids play pretend
      the way P likes to line his board books on the windowsill, all in a row
      Refrigerator Clean-Out Nights
      the color green, which represents life and hope to me
      a new chain for a broken necklace
      feeling more like myself after a hard week
      how much the kids love Mark’s homemade pizza
      re-reading a favorite book and loving it just as much
      my morning ritual of checking on the garden after breakfast 
      how fast everything is growing!
      the feeling of soil in my hands
      piles and piles of folded laundry
      chips and guacamole
      a new plan for less screen time
      belly laughs

      No.402: 2020 Gratitude // 21

      A new series for 2020: if I record 20 things every week, I’ll have over 1,000 items by December 31.  
      That’s a lot to be grateful for.

      pick up baseball games in the back yard
      cool breezes in open windows
      ham and tomato sandwiches on bread I made
      that almost all of my beans have sprouted and are growing quickly
      my bright green raincoat
      when Lucy sits and watches the birds out the window
      successful potty training (finally!)
      working on crossword puzzles with M
      bright orange California poppies
      watching our neighbor horse in his warm coat
      four great results on standardized testing
      good books that keep me up late reading
      flip flop tan lines
      another week without having to turn on the air conditioning
      when the kids clean the kitchen after dinner
      a better organized emergency closet
      honest conversations with my oldest boys
      hard days and cleansing tears
      chances to start again
      “Oh Jesus, with all my heart I cling to Thee.”

      Less Materialism, More Intentional Living

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